Thursday, August 1, 2013

Change

I don't like change.  I don't even like it when I have to buy new sneakers.  Why can't my Adidas from 1998, shoes which know my feet perfectly, just keep going?  Why?

So at work this week, I've been trying to avoid facing change.  Two of my favourite colleagues have announced that they will retire at the end of the year.  It's going to take the rest of the year for me to pull myself together about the whole thing.  Every time I try to think about it, I get teary.  Seriously.  And I'm not a touchy-feely-crying-in-public kind of gal.  But this undoes me every time.  I'm almost considering skipping the end of year luncheon because I can't bear the thought of the farewell speeches.

I will miss these two colleagues so much.  They have been a part of all of my working life.  Thick and thin.  It's not just work to me.  It's a second home.  A place I feel I belong.  And so they are like a second family.  I cannot imagine coming to the first day of work next year and not seeing them there.

Which made it all the harder when one of them took staff devotions on Wednesday and talked about change and facing the future.  I was doing okay until he said, "And on the morning I wake up on that first staff day back next year and you all head off..." And he paused then and we all hung in the air for a moment.  And I cried (inside, because I don't do outside crying with people around) and I wanted to whisper, "No, no, no."  I don't want them to go.  I don't want any of it to change.  And yet it will. 

And it will keep on changing and changing and changing.

Then he spoke about the future.  And how we need not worry as long as we are putting our feet inside Jesus' footsteps and following him.  And it's true.  God's plans will not end and there is more to come.  When change overwhelms me a bit, I try to hold on to this idea: 'this is God's gracious provision for you today'.  Whatever comes, it is God who chooses my steps and my days.  It is all of it - the happy and the sad, the greetings and the partings - part of His gracious provision for me.

Still, I'm crying now.  Just typing it!

3 comments:

Jessica said...

In North and South Margaret goes back to her childhood home and struggles with the change...

A sense of change, of individual nothingness, of perplexity and disappointment, over-powered Margaret. Nothing had been the same; and this slight, all-pervading instability, had given her greater pain than if all had been too entirely changed for her to recognise it.

'I begin to understand now what heaven must be—and, oh! the grandeur and repose of the words—"The same yesterday, to-day, and for ever." Everlasting! "From everlasting to everlasting, Thou art God."'

Deb said...

Now there's a book I've always meant to read! All the more reason for borrowing it now. Thanks, Jessica.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad for you. Change may be a necessary part of life, but it's not always fun! J xxxx